


A Joking Matter

by TheFandomLesbian



Series: Spencer's Raulson One-Shots [51]
Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Asylum
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bananun, Established Relationship, F/F, raulson - Freeform, set in to light and guard universe but can be read independently, tlag universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:28:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23190179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFandomLesbian/pseuds/TheFandomLesbian
Summary: Lana goes to Father Joseph to ask him for ways to make Lent special for Mary Eunice. He can't resist setting her up for failure.
Relationships: Sister Mary Eunice/Lana Winters
Series: Spencer's Raulson One-Shots [51]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1214643
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	A Joking Matter

**Author's Note:**

> for a Bananun dialogue prompt: "I love you, but please stop whatever it is that you're doing."

Lana had not grown up Catholic, but she knew how Mary Eunice valued her faith. So for the second Lent she would spend with the former nun, she knew she had to get some outside opinions on how she could try to make the sacrificial holiday special. She reached out to Father Joseph. 

“You want special things to give Mary Eunice for Lent?” he asked, looking skeptical. She nodded enthusiastically. “Lent is a season of sacrifice and mourning. It’s untraditional to practice gift-giving. You’re thinking of Christmas.”

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Lana squinted at him. “I know what Christmas is. I haven’t completely lived in a hole my whole life. The Lent thing is what Baptists don’t really do.” 

He cracked a smile. “Well, alright, then.” He led her back into the church and opened a few storage closets. “Devout practitioners have a few things they like to do around the Lenten holiday. There’s the sacrifice--I’m sure you’re familiar with that. Mary Eunice probably did it last year.” Lana nodded. “Well, she might not have done some of these other things for fear of putting you out.” There was a twinkle in Father Joseph’s eyes, but he was always a merry, kind soul, so Lana feared nothing from him as he fumbled through the storage closets. He pulled out a menorah--Lana recognized it.  _ Isn’t that a Jewish thing? _ He handed it to her.  _ I guess not. This is a Catholic church.  _ She couldn’t imagine Father Joseph would lie to her. “You’ll want to have an altar set up. Put all of your dear personal possessions on it, and light this.”  _ Oh, this is a lot of work. Makes sense she wouldn’t want to do it last year. We hadn’t been together very long then.  _

“Spread out these leaves. And anoint each other nightly with some communion wine and holy water.”  _ Alright, we’re stocking up.  _ “And it’s also traditional to turn all of the crosses in the house upside down, as a sign of mourning. They go right side up after Easter Sunday.” Lana took out her notepad to take notes. “And… Here.” Father Joseph stepped into his office, and he wrote down a series of Latin words. “Read this to her every evening, when she gets home from work.” He reached into his desk, pulled out a card, and scrawled something inside of it, sealing it shut. “And give this to her tonight, after you’ve got everything set up. I think you should surprise her. Really make her appreciate it.”

It was a big job, but Lana could do it. She wanted to respect Mary Eunice’s faith. “Yes, Father. Thank you so much for your help!” 

As she trotted her way out of the church, she couldn’t hear Father Joseph laughing behind her. 

…

Mary Eunice skipped her way home from work, her denim skirt swaying back and forth around her ankles. She tapped her Mary Janes as she trotted delicately around the cracks in the upheaved sidewalk. She wore her purse over her shoulder. There was a song stuck in her head as she drummed her way down the cement, tapping out the rhythm with her toes. She couldn’t wait to get home to Lana and enjoy her embrace again. Mary Eunice loved working--but she also loved Lana. Being away from her was a sacrifice that needed to be made in exchange for some money. 

She skipped her way up the sidewalk, sweeping her hair back out of her as she jumped up the steps to the porch. Fumbling for her key in her purse, she popped the door open and entered. 

Before her, Lana was busy… turning crosses upside down all over their walls. Mary Eunice’s mouth opened into a gape, afraid to speak. She had lit all seven candles of a menorah, which rested on an upturned nightstand that had formerly lived in the back of their closet. It was draped in a blood red curtain. Lana was hanging a strange rune-type thing on the wall, unable to get it straight. Mary Eunice’s precious, beloved Bible hung open, dangerously close to the burning candles and the dripping wax. Lana had scattered all of their most beloved items on the nightstand--though, upon a second examination, Mary Eunice realized Lana intended it to be an altar. 

_ What happened while I was at work?  _ “Lana, I…” Lana whipped around at her, a large, stupid smile on her face. Mary Eunice couldn’t think of what to say. “I…”

Lana grinned. “Well? Are you surprised?” 

_ Surprised is a word for it.  _ A cross fell off the wall, and Lana grabbed it and hung back up, upside down, which made Mary Eunice cringe. “Lana, I love you, but please, stop whatever it is that you’re doing.” 

Freezing in the middle of her actions, the cross fell off the wall again. “What--What do you mean? Did I do it wrong? Oh--I was supposed to read the Latin, he said to do that as soon as you got home!” She opened up a piece of paper and began to recite a very broken, downright jibberish Latin prayer.

Mary Eunice’s mouth hung open. “Lana!” She stopped. “ _ Who _ said to do this?” 

A frown replaced her goofy grin. “Father Joseph. I asked him how I could accommodate you this Lent. He said I should surprise you and gave me a bunch of stuff to make it extra special.” 

“Lana, I--I’ve never done  _ any  _ of this for Lent. It’s a time for mourning, not a--a weird celebration with pentagrams and upside down crosses.”  _ I feel like I just walked into an awkward, makeshift Satanic temple.  _ “Are you  _ sure _ this is what Father Joseph meant? He wasn’t, like… I don’t know, trying to be funny?”

“I don’t think so. He also told me to give you this.” She held out the sealed card to Mary Eunice. 

Using her fingernail to break the seal, Mary Eunice swallowed her nervousness, feeling as if she had just walked into a very strange, bad dream. The card had a pretty floral pattern. Inside it, she read Father Joseph’s elegant handwriting. “I know it’s early, but I couldn’t resist. She trusted me too much. April Fools, Mary Eunice! Love, Father Joseph.” 

Mary Eunice gave it to Lana with a sigh of relief. Lana’s brow quirked. “Oh… I just assumed they were all traditions I had never heard of before.” Mary Eunice giggled at her perplexed face. “Really? None of it?”

“None of it,” Mary Eunice confirmed. 

Lana tilted her head, looking back at the mess she had made. “Well, then… I suppose we should pack up this stuff and take it back to the church.”

Mary Eunice laughed. “Unless you want to keep a weird, ugly temple in the living room, I think that’s a great idea.” 


End file.
